The slippery slope to agruments

This is a free article you might find interesting. It’s also a sample of our knowledge andhow we can help you get a bit better at your job, and/or how we can help you fix a problem. If you’re interested in our consultation services, contact us.

This should go without saying but disclaimer: The information provided below is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, medical, or other professional advice. You should consult with a qualified professional for specific advice tailored to your circumstances.

If you’re interested learning more about this topic, we have courses: how to build talent cover this, or you can find all of our courses here.

Arguments in the workplace

I know that this happens, you know it happens.  One minute it’s a discussion, the next minute it’s an argument.  In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, ‘that escalated quickly’.

So let’s talk about arguing.  When is a verbal interaction- a discussion, a debate, a disagreement, or an argument?  Who decides what it is?

In this article, try not to think about your ‘discussions’ with your partner (I’m not taking on that responsibility, and also- don’t think of an elephant).  It will be hard, although it is a good example of how slippery slope these things can be.  I don’t want to get too in the weeds on why we argue the most with the person we love the most, other than to point out that we are most our most honest, least likely to be constrained by social niceties with them.  So this is the slippery slope at its slipperiest (yes it’s a word, I checked).

What is an argument?

In short, a disagreement turned bad. 

What is a disagreement?  A lack of consensus.  A failure to agree. A discussion that did not, or has not yet, reached a common understanding or what is right, what the decision was, or will, or should, happen next, i.e. disagreeing = not agreeing.

What is an argument- essentially a disagreement that brings in emotions, of at least one side.  If no one is bothered by the disagreement, we don’t have a problem (so far).  If at least one person is experiencing and/or expressing negative emotions from this disagreement;- now we are in an argument.  We are slightly over-dissecting this, so let’s just stick to the takeaway- people can disagree without it being an argument, but as soon as negative emotions gets involved, we are in argument territory.

This calls for a typology

These are non-argumentative, non-agreements:

• Discussion

• A debate

• A constructive disagreement

These are arguments, in descending order:

• Defensive disagreement         

• Emotional argument

• Heated argument

• Hostile dispute

• 2-sided screaming

• 1-sided screaming

You could easily disagree with this (particularly with the 1-sided vs 2-sided), but the gist is the important part- that there is a scale, a spectrum, a continuum, that a disagreement could be on, or move down.

The metaphor of a slippery slope

Let me thrash the metaphor. Disagreements can descend this slope into conflict, from a discussion, to a defensive debate, to a heated debate, to unprofessional conduct.  Not often, but sometimes.   There a multitude of hows and whys, but let’s focus on some factors that can facilitate, or inhibit conflict.  That make this slope slipperier, or less slippery (adding texture maybe?)

Inhibiting factors

• Professionalism

• Low-pressure environment

• Focus on the issue, not the person

• Use of language to demonstrate not personal

• Generally positive relationship  (i.e. otherwise friendly)

Facilitating factors

• Emotional loading

• High-pressure environment

• Bad attempts at humour (e.g. sarcasm, banter, or any humour with ‘an edge’)

• Not listening or dismissive behaviour

• Making it personal, or seeking to blame someone

• Raising voice and/or changing tone

• Past conflict, and/or generally negative relationship.

So what can we do?

Ok, this is a big question. The most important answer is that we can’t stop these things happening, only reduce and diminish them when they do.  But here are some things we can do.

Personal changes we can make

Acknowledge screw ups. People make mistakes, people don’t watch themselves, it happens.  But we do need to address where we can, and we need to manage their behaviour for the future (if it’s a disciplinary matter- different process, which is managing on a whole other level).

Addressing privately.  The best way to talk to someone about their behaviour is privately, and after the fact (soon enough to be fresh, but with enough distance to cool down).  This can be both parties.  It’s often difficult, but long-term productive to discuss with people your concerns that they failed to keep a disagreement to just a disagreement, but contributed to it becoming an argument.

Coaching.  This can you, a peer, an outside professional.  If you offer EAP services, this is often something they can provide.  Many EAP providers offer some version of anger management, and assistance helping people avoid their emotions coming into their work.

Cultural/team changes we can make

Avoid pressurising your workplace environment.  It’s too easy (or naive) for me to say don’t have pressure, because more often it is the industry and the type of work that leads to pressure, not any specific conscious choice by management.  But avoid leaning in, avoid embracing the ‘rah rah’ culture that this can create.

Don’t let conflict become a norm.  Avoid turning a blind eye.  We accept what we don’t object to.  People escalating into conflict can happen, but we need to clearly signal that it’s understandable, but not acceptable.  Because once it happens once, it will happen again, and not only by the original person.

 Other articles:

Podcast episodes:

Courses:

If you have 10 seconds, please complete this survey. It helps us know what people want to know.